There are times in everyone’s life when, as I like to put it, the hard drive that is your brain jumps from its normal rotation and hits the writing needle (life) harder than normal, scratching in deeply the details of certain events. One of these times for me was when I lost my virginity on a one night stand to a complete stranger.

The date was March 19th 2003. I was a sophomore in college, aged 19 years, attending class at a branch campus location of a reputable university. The town name, without its proper French pronunciation, “DO BOYS.” This particular weekend however did not involve my normal shenanigans at the frat style living quarters. I was in my home town and about to head out towards a branch campus of another reputable university.

Allow me to jump back and explain my situation up until this point. Being confirmed and of the catholic persuasion, the last of my morals were about to be forcefully ripped away in this alcohol fueled sexual encounter. Up until now I had been blown by four different young ladies in and outside of relationships. They thought it was cute I remained a virgin for so long and didn’t want to take it away from me, so instead they sucked my cock, which I had no quarrels with. I was always the nice guy who began driving towards Friendville thinking there were at least a few more exits to lead me to Relationship land. Needless to say, this put me at the intersection of disappointment and depressed all the time. Just before this fateful night of cashing in my V card, I had gone out on a day long date with a solid 8.5 blonde from a few of my classes. Everything went smooth until I started being myself and then it fell apart right at the end. Never heard from her outside of class again. It was that let down, the most recent on a long list of consecutive let downs that comprised the motivational forces to this reckless chucking of my cherry towards a hot freshman at a different school.

So the time is around 8 or 9pm. The five of us are all crammed in one vehicle, smoking medium quality marijuana from a used mountain dew can. Once we got high and determined our destination for this particular night, the 21 year old in the group scored us a case of shitty Pennsylvanian beer, which was then shoved in my back pack. We split up to take different cars (just figuring there’s no way 3 of us could get a DUI) and all met up again at the college located adjacent to my former high school. The one friend of ours, Butters, was already hoisted up at a dormitory of his friend. We met him there and pregaming began. About half of the beers were consumed and we were offered some shots. I had picked up on the odor of attraction coming from Butter’s friend. To say the least, this girl was about as pretty as a certain beach in France on June 6th 1944. After the time was right, the correct buzz was reached; we all picked up our things and headed towards the frat house that was our party destination.

I can remember walking in. It was completely dead, but dead in the sense that you could see the dark clouds on the horizon. Too far away to send the ocean swells higher than normal, but the incoming storm was eminent. A brightly colored disco ball spun on the ceiling, huge speakers and a DJ were in the corner, and the dance floor was empty except for passerbies. Our crew went upstairs to a more livelier scene. People were getting fucked up all around us. Beer pong, quarters, and simply “drink the beer” were all being played. We mingled, made small talk with friends of friends, smoked some cigarettes, and continued our mild drinking binge. After what only felt like a few minutes, I realized our beer supplies were going to be quickly demolished, so I befriended a house dweller and had him lead me towards someone else’s alcohol. It was downstairs. As he led me to the refrigerator, the empty dance floor was now packed and it was difficult navigating to the fridge and back to the comfort of friends upstairs. I returned to spread my bounty among a dispersed set of friends only to run into the ugly chick who asked me to return downstairs with her to dance. At that point of inebriation, which was slight, I decided “what the hell” and followed her down. We began a form of dancing I can only describe as some kind of half assed courtship routine, her advances were becoming more obvious and more obnoxious. I mean, I’m a fucking virgin for crying out loud, doesn’t mean I have leukemia and I need to fulfill my desperate desire to penetrate a woman before I part ways with the world. So after I literally had to stiff arm this cunt’s face, I returned upstairs and became an onlooker to a game of 20 cup beer pong.

The game became long, drawn out, and boring. Two sets of five cups on either side of the table, and at the time, it was becoming increasingly more difficult for people to hit them. When finally the game ended, a stranger turned to me and said “want to play?” “DO I ?!?!” Sorry, 19 years old, I can’t turn down a game of beer pong even if it would cost me a testicle. We began playing and all I can say is something happened, something wonderful, beautiful and mysterious all at the same time. My shot had landed on top of three conjoining cups. Being this had never happened to me before; I was distraught that it hadn’t landed in a cup. WELL my friends, it ends up that a shot like that is worth 3 cups!!! I was ecstatic, so was my partner, all was right with the world as our crowd of spectators grew like a group of golf enthusiast tracking down Arnold Palmer at a charity invitational. Once the excitement died down, so did our momentum and we lost the game in the end. As I had mentioned before, the games were becoming long and drawn out so the pair that defeated us actually decided to step off the table, leaving me and my partner with the decision to take on another set of foes. Well, it was at that point my acquainted stranger looks at me and says, “hey! Those two girls over there want to play!” I peer over his shoulder to see an okay looking blonde chick with a smoking hot brunette. “Huddle up!” I tell him. He leans in, “you go to them (dramatic pause), have one of those two come over here and you play with the other.” “Great idea!” he says. I void my attention from that area to speak with a friend, when my mental focus returned, to my delight the brunette had chosen to be my partner. I quickly introduce myself and then got right back to the business of playing beer pong. At first, the conversation was so light it could float in air, excitement and congratulatory exchanges only occurred when one of us made a cup. About 10 minutes later I had cracked this shy girl and found out she has one sister, she grew up 2 hours away, and she’s a psychology major in her first year of school. Not bad. The friendliness picked up as the game continued. I was vomiting bullshit at such a rate, if it were water, I could have extinguished the fires in the twin towers 5 minutes after each plane hit with enough left over to fix any African country’s drought. At the last possible/acceptable moment I had to ask her once more, “what’s your name again?” To which she replied “Misty.” I covered up my alcohol/marijuana forgetfulness with, “oh, okay, just making sure… it was a tossup between ‘Misty’ or ‘Missy’.” Win! More small talk was exchanged, I sipped her very potent beverage she offered me, I drank my beer and smoked cigarettes, then something bad happened… my friends and I ran out of beer! I decided my buzz was right where it needed to be, so the final beer I drank was the icing on my buzzed cake for that evening.

As I can best recall, she made the last cup, we won the game and she jumped up to give me a big hug. Then I asked her, “well, would you like to play another game?” To which she responded, “um... ya, sure!” At which point, I don’t know where the motivation came from, but I retracted my offer and said, “or how about we go downstairs and dance?” That idea perked her up like a cup of Foldgers to any fat, divorced, mid 40’s, corporate cubicle dweller. My excitement to her acceptance was quickly dimmed by one of my basic biological urges… I had to piss… BAD! I asked her where the bathroom was. The line was HUGE. Not only did she get me there, but she sat and patiently waited for me to return. Thought to myself, “she waited… things are going well!” As soon as we hit the dance floor I put my hand on her lower back, pulled her close, then whispered into her ear “you’re FUCKING sexy!” to which she whipped her hand around, rested it on my shoulder, and began to scratch/massage the back of my head. It was SO on at that point! We danced and danced. I spun her around a couple times, got real low with her, the time was awesome, the night was going perfectly. Soon, being I am of tall and large stature, I began to sweat and my legs began to burn. “Can… can we go outside… get some fresh air?” I asked. “Sure!” I figured the cool spring air would get me dry again, and after saying “I can do it, put your ass into it” multiple times along with the music, it was as good a time as any to clear the dance floor.

Upon exiting the frat house I run into about five or six people who graduated high school with me. All of whom I had maintained unpleasant dispositions with. Thought to myself, “ya! Fuck you all… I’m leaving a frat at your school with a hot chick.” We both sat down on a bench just outside of the doorway. When I sensed an approaching cunt I graduated with in my peripherals, I casually swung my arm around my lady to bring her closer and continue talking with her. She openly greeted the gesture by putting her hand on my leg (insert Dumb and Dumber quote: “she touched my leg!”). The night couldn’t have been going any better after all the let downs my attempt at a romantic life had suffered. Great until… BUTTERS. See… we call this kid butters because he greatly resembles the south park character. “OH MY FUCKING GOD! Jack’s gonna get laid!” he shouted. I remember mouthing to him “shut… the fuck… up!” then quickly turned to my new acquaintance and said “I hope you don’t think I’m like that… I’m actually a virgin.” She smiled, nodded, told me, “well, I myself have only been with two people,” then without breaking stride she continued our conversation from the point it was rudely interrupted.

After we were outside for about 10 or 15 I asked her, “where do you live?” She replied, “oh… I’m about two hours away… why?” I said, “no, no, where’s your dorm? Getting sick of shouting in your ear with all of these people around. I was thinking we could continue this back there.” She stood up, grabbed my hand, and we were on our way. Along the way we passed a set of cops. She was afraid, being underage and intoxicated, I calmly said “hello” to the officers and I was able to address one of them by name being I have hunted with him before. Next we ran into a pizza deliver guy who ended up being a friend of mine from my band days back in high school. Following the exchange of pleasantries with him, we finally arrived at her dorm. Large cut outs of penguins were strewn about the floor and the place was a mess… Smelled like hair and perfume. She pardoned herself and went to the bathroom as soon as we got in. The mild buzz of alcohol I had was keeping me pretty ignorant to the fact that something great was about to happen.

Once she returned she climbed up onto her top bunk, where I noticed a drunken misstep along the way, and invited me to join. Being a solid 240 at that time, I questioned the sturdiness, but eventually followed her up there. Once there, we were lying side by side… quiet. “Fucking oh no,” I thought, “had leaving the party ended our conversations? Was there nothing left to talk about?” Small talk was breaking down and things were heading south fast! I rolled on my side, put her hair back behind her ear and pulled out the best line I could… “you’re gorgeous!” (“did I just really fucking say that?”) “Wow,” she said, “no one… no one has ever said that to me before.” I asked, “what, like since you’re last boyfriend or something?” Her: “no… never…” BAM!!! She was on top of me and we were giving each other free intoxicated tonsil exams. Rolling back and forth, I could hear the bed creak under us as we violently repositioned in an intense exchange of drunken passion. My shirt was off… her shirt was off… we kept making out…. I reached around the back of her and located her bra clasp… thought “no, no… too fast.” Before that thought could finish processing I had pulled my hand away and it was replaced with her own. This girl was taking off her bra FOR ME!!! YES! A perfect set of high C cup titties were unleashed into my face. Somewhere, on the other side of the world, a flower was blossoming in the rising sun. I could taste the sparks, and hard liquor, on her tongue. We kept going and then… (phone rings)… BUTTERS! AGAIN! I hit the pause button on our make out session, excused myself, and answered the phone anyways. “What the FUCK do you want?” “Um.. dude? What are you doing?” I had to answer because I was how he had got to the college that night in the first place. “yo man, sorry about the transit sitch, but.. uh…” I glanced at Misty, “I think I’m spending the night.” I’m not sure how many people were listening, but as I was hanging up I could hear a rupture of cheers equivalent to an overtime goal scored at the World Cup Finals. We picked up right where we left off.

Before I knew it, I had her completely naked and I was going down on one of the tastiest and well groomed burgers I ever had the pleasure of being with. I mean, no smell what so ever! I plunged my middle finger in and went right to where Men’s Health had always told me the “G” spot was located. I’m sure people in the hallway of her dorm could hear the screams. I moved up and began making out with her again. She, not I, not only undid, but completely removed my belt from my pants and threw it to the floor. Unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, pulled out my throbbing monster of a cock, and began jerking on it like she was getting the last of the world’s milk out of a cow. “WO!” I said, “take it easy please!” We continued making out and seamlessly my pants ended up off and on the same floor as the rest of our clothing... and penguins. I stopped. Everything was happening so fucking fast. I was naked on top of a complete stranger! Thoughts of mine raced, and I finally told myself, “don’t be a pussy… fuck this pussy!” So I did what any responsible person would… “I don’t have a condom… are you on birth control?” Her: “no.” Me: “Okay… are you clean? SORRY! Sorry I have to ask like that, but, you know… you just don’t know with people these days.” Her: “it’s okay… yes I am clean…” SILENCE. Me: “Um… well… do you … want to???” Her: “YES… just… uh… pull out… I guess…” Me: “Pull out? Ya, I can do that… can you guide me in?”

…

YES!!! FUCKING YESSSSS!!! I’M NOT A VIRGIN ANY MORE!!! WOW! HOLY FUCK DOES THAT FEEL AWESOME!!! So there it went… I’m not a virgin any more… but now… now there were more important things to worry about. I remember looking at the clock right as we started. 2:02 am. We did missionary for a while, she moaned. I suggested the spooning position and me going in from behind. I mean, after all, I had watched Peter North do it once or twice, so I was an expert… right? Ya, well that didn’t work out to well and I think for both of us it sunk in. “wow… ya… I’m having sex with a stranger…” I’m not sure, nor concerned with how much that bugged her, but I had started something, and GOD DAMMIT I was going to finish it! We repositioned once more and she got on top. On and on and on it went. Like I was fucking Superman or something!!! I glanced at the clock… 2:48. WOW! Then… from whatever I was doing at the bottom with my hip thrusts and whatever she was working with on top… it came… I WAS GOING TO CUM. It came so damn fast! I tried pulling her off, but she kept going, I finally went up once more, pulled out, and shot a load that probably hit her ceiling. It landed on her back, it hit me, it was all over the fucking place man! I pushed her hair back exposing her sweaty forehead and gave my stranger one last kiss. We both climbed down from the bunk, she wiped off her pussy, I wiped off her back, and that was it. She crawled back up into the bunk exhausted and I… well I started putting my clothes back on. Don’t know why, but I left my phone number and I left the dorm. On my way out to have a cigarette and enjoy my accomplishment I noticed a condom machine… IRONY. Oh well… didn’t have change on me anyways.

To end the night I got in my car, stopped at a local shop for some Gatorade, called my buddy to tell him what I did, then returned to my parent’s house and went to bed. The fallout of this event did not yield an abortion, nor did it include any children (as I have said before, pulling out is 100% effective), and there were no sharing of sexually transmitted diseases (I had a Q Tip shoved in my dick to prove that nothing bad happened). What it did include was an awkward phone call where I was denied future correspondence, a trip to Planned Parenthood on her part, and what I had learned later was a rape accusation. I took solace in the fact that she DID remove MY belt and pretty much asked for the dick. Her roommate, who I did not know, ended up being the blonde at the other end of the beer pong table. She informed Misty that if she were to have pressed rape charges, she would have taken my side in defense. She wasn’t there, so I don’t know why she stood so sternly on my side of things, but who FUCKING cares? Plus, I’m pretty sure rapists don’t leave phone numbers. From that point onwards the word and action “rape” has taken on a subjective meaning for me. Along with that… remember the ugly girl? Well she had to deal with my sexual high jinks no less than 3 more times after that. None of it involving her… unless you include that time I was about to insert my member into her friend on her bed right as she walked in.

So there you have it. The unedited version of an event that will stay etched in that hard drive of mine until I begin a slow decline into dementia later in life. Sure the story is self indulgent, but if you didn’t like it… it’s because you’re jealous you cashed in your V Card to some high school sweetheart, sober and consensually in your parent’s basement. Since then I have had many funny sexual encounters, but none able to top the college text book way things went down that particular evening. I hope you all enjoyed me sharing one of the most intimate moments of my life with you… I know it was good for me!

~ Jack .45 ~