Cell Phones, Car Alarms, and Babies
In life, there is no shortage of annoyances. We have broken through to a time period where we no longer worry about getting attacked by wild animals (frequently) or death via dysentery on the Oregon Trail. Today, we are so advanced that a high percentage of human fatalities are actually caused by man made things. Car accidents, cancer from smoking, heart attack from trans fat, diaBEETIS from soda, and even video games have ended a few people. Same goes with annoyances. So without further, unnecessary, opening redundancies, I bring you the three most absurdly annoying things on the planet!
Cell Phones:
Yes people, fucking cell phones. Something that was once considered a luxury is now deemed to be a necessity. I can’t play coy with this, I too feel lost without my cell phone and that’s why it’s so fucking annoying. When’s the last time any of you reading this have actually memorized someone’s phone number? Exactly! What did people used to do when they were lost or in serious trouble? They figured out what to do to survive the situation or they died. Now we’ve all become technology reliant pansies that dial 911 the second we can’t figure how to get out of the car.
“I’m trying to watch a movie here, turn that fucking thing off!” Everyone has been out and had a pleasant evening interrupted by their own or someone else’s fucking phone going off. Cell phone makers have tried to combat this by enabling a “vibrate only” mode, but most phones’ vibrate feature is actually louder than the fucking ring tones! Television isn’t bad enough with all of its bullshit, now it’s loaded with commercials where people pay money to have the latest shitfuck of a song as their ringtone. To get off the subject at hand quickly, I recently got tangled trying to download music and found myself in torrents that offered the top chart 100’s of recent years. As far as I’m concerned, 2003 is where all decent music ended. Since then, the airwaves have been polluted with insufferable songs I can only equate to partial birth abortions. So why would anyone want to pay money to have “Paper Planes” blare from their phones every time someone calls it? As if a cell phone going off in a crowded restaurant isn’t annoying enough.
Finally, why do you think all of these people have been engaging in murder suicides? All across the country families are being wiped out by an angry father at the end of his miserable road. The liberal news media will have you believe that they do it for financial reasons. They even will cite goodbye notes apologizing for the atrocity and blaming the shitty economy. No. You are being lied to. You want to know why this is happening? Because people keep calling their cell phones. There’s no escape, no sanctuary. Every aspect of their lives have been intruded upon by other people calling them. “Where are you?” “Hey, what are you doing tonight?” “You busy this weekend? Want to go shopping?” BLAM! News Headline: “Husband and Father of four kills wife and kids then takes own life because people wouldn’t stop calling his fucking phone.” Cell phone companies are quick to the scene to forge final letters citing the bad economy. It’s not the economy. People are just tired of being on their cell phones all the fucking time!
Car Alarms:
When’s the last time someone stole your car? I’m going to assume this probably never happened to you. If it has, fucking cry about it, that’s why you are obligated as an operator of a motor vehicle to have insurance. Car alarms are among the most useless and annoying things on earth. “Tee Hee, whoops, I accidently hit the panic button instead of unlock. I’m just going to bask in my stupidity and recently acquired attention before I turn it off.” I can’t imagine this abomination of an idea be any more taxing than on tow truck drivers. I was driving down the road once when I heard a clusterfuck of sirens and horn honking behind me. I thought to myself, “just pull over, an emergency vehicle needs to get through.” NOPE! Some asshole probably parked in a “by permit only” spot and now his fucking shitty Toyota Prius was being dragged down the road by a tow truck. Lucky for me, I was able to find comfort in the fact that this annoying sound was going to cost someone over 150 bucks not to mention all of the other things that accompany getting your car towed.
Of course, the jackass automakers that install and rationalize with the stupidity of these devices will say that it’s to protect the vehicle owner’s property. That being the car itself and all the objects within the vehicle. Now besides business operators who carry equipment around with them, not too many people have solid reasons to leave valuable shit in their vehicles. Driving around with a ton of important stuff in your car is like strapping your social security card to your birth certificate, throwing it off the empire state building, then expecting to find it when you come down. It’s retarded. You don’t want to lose critical pieces of your property? Then don’t be a fucking idiot when it comes to handling them.
Babies:
Cell Phones:
Yes people, fucking cell phones. Something that was once considered a luxury is now deemed to be a necessity. I can’t play coy with this, I too feel lost without my cell phone and that’s why it’s so fucking annoying. When’s the last time any of you reading this have actually memorized someone’s phone number? Exactly! What did people used to do when they were lost or in serious trouble? They figured out what to do to survive the situation or they died. Now we’ve all become technology reliant pansies that dial 911 the second we can’t figure how to get out of the car.“I’m trying to watch a movie here, turn that fucking thing off!” Everyone has been out and had a pleasant evening interrupted by their own or someone else’s fucking phone going off. Cell phone makers have tried to combat this by enabling a “vibrate only” mode, but most phones’ vibrate feature is actually louder than the fucking ring tones! Television isn’t bad enough with all of its bullshit, now it’s loaded with commercials where people pay money to have the latest shitfuck of a song as their ringtone. To get off the subject at hand quickly, I recently got tangled trying to download music and found myself in torrents that offered the top chart 100’s of recent years. As far as I’m concerned, 2003 is where all decent music ended. Since then, the airwaves have been polluted with insufferable songs I can only equate to partial birth abortions. So why would anyone want to pay money to have “Paper Planes” blare from their phones every time someone calls it? As if a cell phone going off in a crowded restaurant isn’t annoying enough.
Finally, why do you think all of these people have been engaging in murder suicides? All across the country families are being wiped out by an angry father at the end of his miserable road. The liberal news media will have you believe that they do it for financial reasons. They even will cite goodbye notes apologizing for the atrocity and blaming the shitty economy. No. You are being lied to. You want to know why this is happening? Because people keep calling their cell phones. There’s no escape, no sanctuary. Every aspect of their lives have been intruded upon by other people calling them. “Where are you?” “Hey, what are you doing tonight?” “You busy this weekend? Want to go shopping?” BLAM! News Headline: “Husband and Father of four kills wife and kids then takes own life because people wouldn’t stop calling his fucking phone.” Cell phone companies are quick to the scene to forge final letters citing the bad economy. It’s not the economy. People are just tired of being on their cell phones all the fucking time!
Car Alarms:
When’s the last time someone stole your car? I’m going to assume this probably never happened to you. If it has, fucking cry about it, that’s why you are obligated as an operator of a motor vehicle to have insurance. Car alarms are among the most useless and annoying things on earth. “Tee Hee, whoops, I accidently hit the panic button instead of unlock. I’m just going to bask in my stupidity and recently acquired attention before I turn it off.” I can’t imagine this abomination of an idea be any more taxing than on tow truck drivers. I was driving down the road once when I heard a clusterfuck of sirens and horn honking behind me. I thought to myself, “just pull over, an emergency vehicle needs to get through.” NOPE! Some asshole probably parked in a “by permit only” spot and now his fucking shitty Toyota Prius was being dragged down the road by a tow truck. Lucky for me, I was able to find comfort in the fact that this annoying sound was going to cost someone over 150 bucks not to mention all of the other things that accompany getting your car towed.Of course, the jackass automakers that install and rationalize with the stupidity of these devices will say that it’s to protect the vehicle owner’s property. That being the car itself and all the objects within the vehicle. Now besides business operators who carry equipment around with them, not too many people have solid reasons to leave valuable shit in their vehicles. Driving around with a ton of important stuff in your car is like strapping your social security card to your birth certificate, throwing it off the empire state building, then expecting to find it when you come down. It’s retarded. You don’t want to lose critical pieces of your property? Then don’t be a fucking idiot when it comes to handling them.
Babies:
When’s the last time a baby did anything for you? Babies are probably the most useless thing to inhabit this planet with the exception of Ryan Seacrest. The parents of babies are more unbearable than the babies themselves, but for the most part, at least they have jobs. If Aliens are watching our planet they are going to think that fucking babies are in charge. Look at all the attention people give them! They feed them, give them drink, clean up their puke and excrement, clothe them, buy them shit, and pretty much worship them. Babies are fucking pussies and no one does anything to change that fact. Adults feed into and perpetuate it. To contrast, let’s take a baby giraffe. “Welcome to the world!” 7 foot drop from mom’s vagina, only to recover quickly and be running around a few hours later. Now that’s a tough ass baby!
No, I don’t want to hold your baby. No, I don’t think your baby is cute, I think it’s disgusting. No, I don’t want to take a picture with it. Babies smell, they’re loud, and they do nothing but suck in vital resources and shit them out with no beneficial output. Babies are like little AIG CEO’s and if I were in charge, there would be no babies. Future generations would thank me.
~ Jack .45 ~
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