The Hitler
How many people hate Hilter? I’m sure a lot of you, but how many people HATE Hitler? Okay, I started this off wrong. Now… without the aggressive invasion of Europe and the attempt to exterminate the Jews, who hates Hitler? Exactly! He was an okay guy! A World War One veteran and an innovator. Look at the Volkswagen Beetle… that came straight from Nazi Germany folks! First jet propulsion fighter aircraft? Hitler’s Germany people! Ya, he cracked some eggs while making his enormous hatred omelet, but the guy was one for innovation and the progress of man kind’s big picture. Of course, throw back in all the killing, everyone hates him, he gets his ass whomped on in WW2, and no more Hitler. World’s a better place right? Wrong! Just think of all the current problems we would be avoiding right now if the Allies would have just let him get his way. Middle East?! Ya… exactly. There definitely would be no fight between a Jewish and Islamic state because my money’s on the fact that NEITHER OF THEM WOULD BE AROUND TO FIGHT ABOUT IT! Okay, definitely getting off track here! I hate Hitler because of all the stupid shit he did I will never be able to sport a small patch of facial hair in between my nose and upper lip.
Look at all the people in history. Every last fucking one of them! Nobody else has a facial hair pattern named after them. Hitler does. Hitler was a bad guy. Therefore, anyone who grows a little facial hair in the same or similar pattern as him is imitating him and should be considered a bad guy. Currently, I’m rocking a mean unemployment/hockey playoff beard right now… not once has someone come up to me, pointed, and said “Hey! Joaquin Phoenix! How’s the rap career going?” Point, ME!
I can recall being in college and fixing my facial hair so I had a chin strap. The motivation came from the music video “What it’s Like” by Everlast. Ya, the guy’s a douche, but he looked cool and I did too when I gave it a try. I still do it from time to time. Next up, Leonardo in the Departed. That thing he had going on where he kind of shaved, but let go the bottom chin line and kept a well trimmed goatee. Ya, I’ve sported that once or twice because he looked so god damn sexy! Neither of them were given credit for those patterns. So hey, hockey’s over in a little bit, I might get a job soon, what if all I want is a little slug sized hair patch on my upper lip to keep it warm? NO NO NO!!! I’d look like Hitler!!! FUCK PEOPLE!!! I want to bring it back. I’m an okay guy! Let me give it a try, see if I can help it out at all! NO? Fuck it then.
In order to balance all of this out, next time I’m in public I don’t want anyone to blame me for punching a newly pubescent 14 year old boy in the face. I’ll do it, get hateful looks from everyone, and in my defense I’ll just yell at the kid, “Stop making shitty movies Dax Shepard!” Ya, that’ll show them! Or maybe if I run into a bum with patches all over his face, I’ll kick him in the balls and say, “No! no one likes your movies! Stop trying to sell out and stick with Scrubs!” YA dammit! That’s how things are going to go from now on!
~ Jack .45 ~
Look at all the people in history. Every last fucking one of them! Nobody else has a facial hair pattern named after them. Hitler does. Hitler was a bad guy. Therefore, anyone who grows a little facial hair in the same or similar pattern as him is imitating him and should be considered a bad guy. Currently, I’m rocking a mean unemployment/hockey playoff beard right now… not once has someone come up to me, pointed, and said “Hey! Joaquin Phoenix! How’s the rap career going?” Point, ME!
I can recall being in college and fixing my facial hair so I had a chin strap. The motivation came from the music video “What it’s Like” by Everlast. Ya, the guy’s a douche, but he looked cool and I did too when I gave it a try. I still do it from time to time. Next up, Leonardo in the Departed. That thing he had going on where he kind of shaved, but let go the bottom chin line and kept a well trimmed goatee. Ya, I’ve sported that once or twice because he looked so god damn sexy! Neither of them were given credit for those patterns. So hey, hockey’s over in a little bit, I might get a job soon, what if all I want is a little slug sized hair patch on my upper lip to keep it warm? NO NO NO!!! I’d look like Hitler!!! FUCK PEOPLE!!! I want to bring it back. I’m an okay guy! Let me give it a try, see if I can help it out at all! NO? Fuck it then.In order to balance all of this out, next time I’m in public I don’t want anyone to blame me for punching a newly pubescent 14 year old boy in the face. I’ll do it, get hateful looks from everyone, and in my defense I’ll just yell at the kid, “Stop making shitty movies Dax Shepard!” Ya, that’ll show them! Or maybe if I run into a bum with patches all over his face, I’ll kick him in the balls and say, “No! no one likes your movies! Stop trying to sell out and stick with Scrubs!” YA dammit! That’s how things are going to go from now on!
~ Jack .45 ~
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