First and foremost, many congrats to the New Orleans Saints on their victory over the Colts and that team’s career commercial actor who does quarterbacking on the side. With the exception of the Saints overcoming a 10 point deficit early, this Super Bowl lacked the nail biting, heart attack inducing excitement of the last two. Nowadays some people are more excited for the Super Bowl commercials than the game itself. Unfortunately though, a very high percentage of these outrageously expensive 30 second time slots have been the exact opposite of entertaining. For instance, here is what CNN has claimed was THE BEST commercial of this year’s Super Bowl:



Okay... While violence against senior citizens is a real knee slapper, this was the best? Come on! Regardless of the quality of these commercials, these companies are shelling out around 3 million bucks for these time slots. That means for every 30 seconds of Super Bowl ads, companies could employ 83 people for one year with a salary (w/out benefits of course) of 36k.

Now I’m going to tear into every stupid ad I can from this year’s Super Bowl:

First off, Tim Tebo should have been aborted. End of story. If you think Matt Leinart was an NFL let down, just wait until pretty boy Tebo comes into the league and gets murdered on the field. That is if he can even secure a back up spot for the Jaguars. And did you see Tebo’s mom? I would definitely have an abortion with her.

Next up, a comedian once said “there is nothing more disgusting than the sight or sound of someone eating Doritos.” I gagged when watching 2 Girls 1 Cup, but if they were swapping pureed Doritos instead of feces I probably would have thrown up my stomach in similar fashion to how vaginas blow placenta meat bubbles after giving birth. These guys dropped well over 12 million on their multiple ad slots. Doritos = Frito Lay = PepsiCo. Pepsi is a top reason why America is so obese and it is a terrible company. Spend that money on your overworked warehouse employees, not advertising to make America even fatter.

Continuing on, I piss Bud Lite after I drink Miller Lite. I would rather drink an Olympic sized pool filled with asparagus urine before I would drink even half of a Bud Lite. These guys blew their best advertising load a long time ago with the frogs and "WAZAP" and... yeah, that was about it. I view these commercials the same way I would watch an autistic child trying to figure out a 3D magic eye. You want to laugh, but it’s just not funny... it’s retarded.

The census bureau took it upon itself to put together a fucking stupid commercial and waste our tax dollars reminding everyone watching the Super Bowl to get counted. I for one am going to do everything possible to avoid getting counted. The purpose of the census is to distribute appropriate voting power to our representatives in Washington. Our country and our economy are fucking disasters because of those people. They can fuck themselves.

Even though our web domain is registered through GoDaddy that doesn’t mean I’m not going to bash them. They are fucking whores. Science has proven any woman named Danica is a cunt and I’m willing to bet Danica Patrick has a big floppy dick.

I know a commercial is retarded when I start drooling on myself while watching it. That was exactly the case for the Boost Mobile ad. They have extended their target market away from poor black people with aspirations of rapping to those with Down syndrome. Just look at this piece of shit:



That commercial makes the Barbie Girl video look like some doctoral candidate's linguistic dissertation.

Monster and Career Builder are the worst of the bunch. While being “career” sites, they are advertising on the Super Bowl to increase their web traffic. A shitty economy = more people looking for jobs, more people looking for jobs = more traffic to these web sites, and more traffic to these web sites = more $ they can charge for grad school’s and other people that buy advertising banners on their sites. So they pretty much advertised to advertise. The last thing either Monster or Career Builder is concerned with is finding people jobs. If you disagree with me put your resume up on both and see how long it takes to get a job.



Well I’m going to wrap up this rant. I’m sure there are a few more commercials worth mentioning, but fuck it. The only things that should be openly accepted as having legitimate commercial exposure during the Super Bowl are movies. Though I’m not excited to go see any of the ones that were previewed this year, people won’t see movies unless they are advertised some way. So movie advertising during Super Bowl is acceptable. Everything else is just trash and the money could be better spent elsewhere.

~ Jack .45 ~