Are you sick and tired of diet and exercise programs that ACTUALLY make you healthier? Tired of being rejected by even the drunkest of dudes as at last call every weekend? Have trouble looking in the mirror at all your fat folds? Are you better at addressing the result rather than finding a solution for the actual problem? Well I have super news for you fatty! Instead of eating healthy or taking a little jog, spend 2 months of a gym membership on one of these ridiculous things!

To start, please go back and re-watch right at 1:03 and notice how the woman on the phone, wearing the apron, at the bakery, is the EXACT same woman and scene from the first 5 Hour Energy commercial.

Next up, there is so much shit that is wrong with this product. I mean, you don’t get chemotherapy to make your cancer cells look friendlier. You go through that in an attempt to send cancer into remission. So rather than defeat fat, let’s just try to make it look better. Instead of joining a gym, go ahead and hit up McDonalds again and you better supersize that order this time! Leave your dieting inhibitions with your self respect because you’re the proud wearer of a Slim n Lift Supreme!

I love the fact that the retards that piece these infomercials together will often have to cast two roles for their time slot. First they’ll get some slender, sexy chick that has absolutely no need for a product like this because she’s been blessed with a good metabolism and I’m willing to bet she hits the gym a few times a week (or she snorts good blow).

Then the next are fat, Opera watching, bonbon gorging women that they take, measure, and slip them into these ridiculous things. These women will be rocking 40+ inch waist lines sometimes! They send them to a changing room, have them slide on a Slim n Fit, and then they’re down to a SLENDER 36 inch waist line and they pretend to feel better about themselves. Not that I hate to break it to anyone willing to drop the money on these absurd things, but even when you’re wearing them, you’re still fat underneath it all.Figure women wear these things to compensate for an obvious obesity problem. They don’t care enough to actually tackle the cause of them being fat fucks like Rosanne, but what remains of their battered ego feels a need to cover up the layers of fat that when looked at correctly from the back resembles a Christmas tree. Worse yet, they have these for guys now too!

What I would really want is for someone in their mid 20’s or 30’s to buy up a bunch of these shams, sport them all the time, take in the compliments from coworkers and friends even though they’re living a lie, and then go out and hit a night life scene wearing this underneath their clothes. I’m assuming anyone willing to purchase this product probably hasn’t gotten laid in a while. How exactly would one go about removing said Slim n Fit if social interactions plus generated attraction, created by the false pretense of a more slender person, if it so came to a sexual encounter? Would that person just let everything flop out at once, or would they excuse themselves to remove it in the bathroom? Fat folds and all just come pouring out like an avalanche of skin resulting from years of sitting at drive throughs and taking the elevator instead of the stairs. Haha.. I don’t care how drunk the other person is, they’ll notice, especially in the 40 inch situations. A “pandunkadunk” has now turned into a “GOD DAMN!” What would the person say? “Oh yeah, by the way, I’m actually fat and I would rather cover it up because I barely respect myself.”


It’s like we never run out of short cuts. It goes like this:
You’re fat? Hit the gym and diet. Can’t? Don’t want to? Okay, well just do one of those things? Still can’t? Hmm… here, take diet pills! Oh, those didn’t work? Fuck it, just wear this thing, it will make you look like you tried.
I think if people are so fucking obsessed with taking shortcuts to get desired results, why don’t they just take the best short cut of all and spare everyone else the bullshit?