Those Fireworks Tents (NSFW LINKS)
Who hasn't seen the fireworks tents set up in parking lots leading up to July 4th? Well here is the ad and our lengthy email exchange that escalated and got out of hand in a hurry:
Original Ad:
TEMPORARY SALES POSITION IN YOUR AREA!
Run your own business for two weeks. . .make quick cash!
DICKHEAD Fireworks is America's Premier consumer fireworks. It was founded over 30 years ago and has built a reputation for quality, value, and selection that has set the standard in the consumer fireworks industry. All DICKHEAD products meet or exceed US Safety Standards.
• Run your own business operating a DICKHEAD Fireworks tent for the 2012 season.
• Earn 20% commission on gross sales; typical earnings range from $3000 to $5000, with some earning even more!
• Training provided.
• No overnight stay required with storage facility on premises for storage of product.
• We provide tent, storage container, cash register, credit card machine, fire extinguisher, and virtually all other items needed for the operation of your seasonal fireworks business.
• We pay for and obtain all permits, licenses, inspections, and location rental required for operation.
• Fully insured at no cost to you.
• Only TEN sell dates (June 25-July 4)
From Me (THE Adam Spencer) to ********@dickheadfireworks.com:Hello,
I am interested in running one of your tents. My resume is attached. Let me know what you think.
Thanks!
- The attachment, Named "Resume2012.jpg" is actually a picture OF GOATSE
From Steven to Me:
Hello Adam,
I would like to say thank you for your interest in working with DICKHEAD Fireworks this upcoming summer. I went ahead and attached an overview of the Tent Manager position for you to read in your spare time. It lays out everything that is involved in the position. I could not read your resume. If you are able to resend it in a different format, I would appreciate it.
If you have any questions or this is something you would still be interested in, please email me or call my direct line listed below.
Again thank you and I look forward to hearing from you
From Steven to Me:
From Steven to Me:
Yeah, way to play along ass face.
A few days later:
From Me (Francoise) to ********@dickheadfireworks.com:
From Steven to Me:
From Me to Steven:
Interesting.
Well thank you for the response. I read through the pdf you included and I feel this may be something for me. I have attached my work history for you to analyze and determine if you feel I am a solid fit for this opening. Please let me know.
Thanks a lot!
- The attachment, Named "Resume_19.jpg" is actually a picture of black people being lynched.
From Me to Steven:
HaHa
FUCK YOU dickhead. Shouldn't have ripped on my mom you cunt. How is your mom doing? Happy her son is ripping people off selling sparklers right?
Haha. Piece of shit!
From Steven to Me:
From Steven to Me:
And I just now got the email you had sent prior today.. Afraid to look at the pic after endorsing your creativity
and the kicker...
Original Ad:
TEMPORARY SALES POSITION IN YOUR AREA!
Run your own business for two weeks. . .make quick cash!
DICKHEAD Fireworks is America's Premier consumer fireworks. It was founded over 30 years ago and has built a reputation for quality, value, and selection that has set the standard in the consumer fireworks industry. All DICKHEAD products meet or exceed US Safety Standards.
• Run your own business operating a DICKHEAD Fireworks tent for the 2012 season.
• Earn 20% commission on gross sales; typical earnings range from $3000 to $5000, with some earning even more!
• Training provided.
• No overnight stay required with storage facility on premises for storage of product.
• We provide tent, storage container, cash register, credit card machine, fire extinguisher, and virtually all other items needed for the operation of your seasonal fireworks business.
• We pay for and obtain all permits, licenses, inspections, and location rental required for operation.
• Fully insured at no cost to you.
• Only TEN sell dates (June 25-July 4)
From Me (THE Adam Spencer) to ********@dickheadfireworks.com:Hello,
I am interested in running one of your tents. My resume is attached. Let me know what you think.
Thanks!
- The attachment, Named "Resume2012.jpg" is actually a picture OF GOATSE
Hello Adam,
I would like to say thank you for your interest in working with DICKHEAD Fireworks this upcoming summer. I went ahead and attached an overview of the Tent Manager position for you to read in your spare time. It lays out everything that is involved in the position. I could not read your resume. If you are able to resend it in a different format, I would appreciate it.
If you have any questions or this is something you would still be interested in, please email me or call my direct line listed below.
Again thank you and I look forward to hearing from you
From Me to Steven:
Is this format acceptable?
- The attachment, Named "SpencerResume2012.jpg" is actually a picture of Tub Girl!
Hey Adam,
Sorry that one did not come through either. It is probably my computer. If you would like to call me, I would be happy to talk to you about the position.
Sorry that one did not come through either. It is probably my computer. If you would like to call me, I would be happy to talk to you about the position.
From Me to Steven:
Steven,
Lick my fucking penis and spread your anus over top of a washing machine on the high spin cycle.
Fuck you and your fireworks.
Sorry, I have typing tourettes.
PENIS SPRINKLE!!!
Lick my fucking penis and spread your anus over top of a washing machine on the high spin cycle.
Fuck you and your fireworks.
Sorry, I have typing tourettes.
PENIS SPRINKLE!!!
Hey Adam,
Thank you for your interest, but I do have to say, horrible strategy for getting a job.
When I was a kid we came up with a lot worse things to say and actually were pretty imaginable and creative in doing things of this nature. I have to say on scale from 1-10 I give you a 2. Good effort but pics and swearing at people is overdone. I am assuming you used a fake email address and have a few people gathered around getting a kick out of it waiting for a reply. It is only funny whenever you find someone stunned and upset by it. I find it sad and the work done by someone has never amounted to anything or will, and no imagination worst of all. I am sure this mediocre attempt of yours translates into real life.
Good luck to you in your endeavors and I am sure you will be writing back swearing and more pics. Don't worry though, It is just the way you are. Blame your mom.
Thank you for your interest, but I do have to say, horrible strategy for getting a job.
When I was a kid we came up with a lot worse things to say and actually were pretty imaginable and creative in doing things of this nature. I have to say on scale from 1-10 I give you a 2. Good effort but pics and swearing at people is overdone. I am assuming you used a fake email address and have a few people gathered around getting a kick out of it waiting for a reply. It is only funny whenever you find someone stunned and upset by it. I find it sad and the work done by someone has never amounted to anything or will, and no imagination worst of all. I am sure this mediocre attempt of yours translates into real life.
Good luck to you in your endeavors and I am sure you will be writing back swearing and more pics. Don't worry though, It is just the way you are. Blame your mom.
...
Blame
your mom.
Blame
your mom.
Blame
your mom.
Blame
your mom.
Blame
your mom.
Blame
your mom.
Blame
your mom.
Blame
your mom.
Blame
your mom.
Blame
your mom.
Blame
your mom.
Blame
your mom.
Blame
your mom.
Blame
your mom.
Blame
your mom.
...
My... M O M ?
...
Bringing my mom into this? The person who carried me in her womb for nine months?
...
...
From Me to Steven:
So, question, did the .doc format of tub
girl come over or not? Just for future use. Sending
"resumes" in jpg format isn't professional.
You are correct on most accounts
regarding this correspondence. We actually have had some really funny back and
fourths with people! Some for truck driving, others for university cocaine
studies.
The only reason I decided to get lazy
with you is I got somewhat busy at work. Yes... I actually have a real
job. Shit just gets so boring. But those fireworks ads... fuck...
#1 spam on classified ad sites.
Leave my mom out of this dickhead. I bet
your mom is the reason you ended up spamming for chumps looking to
get shit stolen from them.
Go fuck yourself asshole and thanks for
responding.
A few days later:
From Me (Francoise) to ********@dickheadfireworks.com:
Good morning,
Could you please send me some more information regarding the program for 2000-5000 with fireworks?
Thanks
Could you please send me some more information regarding the program for 2000-5000 with fireworks?
Thanks
Hello,
I would like to say thank you for your interest in working with DICKHEAD Fireworks this upcoming summer. I went ahead and attached an overview of the Tent Manager position for you to read in your spare time. It lays out everything that is involved in the position. Where are you located exactly?
If you have any questions or this is something you would still be interested in, please email me or call my direct line listed below.
Again thank you and I look forward to hearing from you
I would like to say thank you for your interest in working with DICKHEAD Fireworks this upcoming summer. I went ahead and attached an overview of the Tent Manager position for you to read in your spare time. It lays out everything that is involved in the position. Where are you located exactly?
If you have any questions or this is something you would still be interested in, please email me or call my direct line listed below.
Again thank you and I look forward to hearing from you
From Me to Steven:
Du**** area. Do you already have many people interested in the opportunity out that way?
From Steven to Me:
We do have a few people interested, but the stand does not have an
Operator signed to it. These locations do go fast though at this time in
the year.
From Me to Steven:
Interesting.
Well thank you for the response. I read through the pdf you included and I feel this may be something for me. I have attached my work history for you to analyze and determine if you feel I am a solid fit for this opening. Please let me know.
Thanks a lot!
- The attachment, Named "Resume_19.jpg" is actually a picture of black people being lynched.
From Me to Steven:
HaHa
FUCK YOU dickhead. Shouldn't have ripped on my mom you cunt. How is your mom doing? Happy her son is ripping people off selling sparklers right?
Haha. Piece of shit!
From Steven to Me:
haha hello Adam Spencer/Francoise Versailles. I do like this name a lot better.
I know you said you had a job but doesn't your employer see the pics/emails you are sending to people? I was just curious after the last email. Also the pic did come through 2 time ago but it definitely wasn't a woman.
I know you said you had a job but doesn't your employer see the pics/emails you are sending to people? I was just curious after the last email. Also the pic did come through 2 time ago but it definitely wasn't a woman.
And I just now got the email you had sent prior today.. Afraid to look at the pic after endorsing your creativity
From Me to Steven:
My bad, thought you had already opened it and I jumped the gun on my obscenity filled tirade. Oh well.
Nigga, I'm a supervisor. There's a group of us that does this shit. We don't have the same internet monitoring as the underlings.
Have fun talking to the rest of us emailing you right now. Wasting so much of your time.
Nigga, I'm a supervisor. There's a group of us that does this shit. We don't have the same internet monitoring as the underlings.
Have fun talking to the rest of us emailing you right now. Wasting so much of your time.
From Steven to Me
Well there is a lot of people throughout the day that I do not hear from
again, so I really won't know the difference. You just emailing me,
wasting my time won't fulfill your needs. You will want to make it known
to me that it is you. Most people just ask questions and if not
interested they move on to the next job. I will be able to at least
focus on the people that aren't swearing and sending me pics. Nothing
will change.
I won't ask you what company you work for but what type of business are you in that you can afford to sit around doing this all day. Just curious again.
I won't ask you what company you work for but what type of business are you in that you can afford to sit around doing this all day. Just curious again.
From Me to Steven:
Hint: we caused the financial collapse
From Steven to Me
I hope you don't lead with that when people ask you what you do for a living.
I hope you don't lead with that when people ask you what you do for a living.
Meanwhile...
From Me (Brandon Merlto) to ********@dickheadfireworks.com:
Hello,
I see these stands frequently. Are they really capable of making the 2k-5k as described in your ad? Would any proprietor/partner be responsible for any unsold merchandise? What if merchandise is stolen?
Sorry for all the questions, I am interested in hearing a little more. Thanks in advance.
- Brandon
From Steven to Me:
Hello Brandon,
I would like to say thank you for your interest in working with DICKHEAD Fireworks this upcoming summer. I went ahead and attached an overview of the Tent Manager position for you to read in your spare time. It lays out everything that is involved in the position. Yes they are very capable of making that kind of money. We pick up any remaining product and the operator would not be held responsible if proper actions are taken to secure product. If not reported to authorities or a lot is missing, we would hold you responsible.
If you have any questions or this is something you would still be interested in, please email me or call my direct line listed below.
Again thank you and I look forward to hearing from you
From Me to Steven:
Hello Steven,
Could you please email me some of the numbers as mentioned in your last email? That would be great and help me make a decision within the next few days.
Thank you
Brandon
From Steven to Me:
Hey Brandon,
What locations were you looking at?
From Me to Steven:
Hi Steven,
I just received an undeliverable message with my response to your last email.
The locations I was looking at are either ****** or ****field. Can you let me know if either are available?
Thanks!
From Steven to Me:
Hey Brandon,
Unfortunately, those locations have been covered and we do not have anything else available in your area. I do have your information and if something would open up I will make sure I get in touch with you.
If you have any questions, please let me know. Again I am sorry
(continued...)
From Me (Brandon Merlto) to ********@dickheadfireworks.com:
Hello,
I see these stands frequently. Are they really capable of making the 2k-5k as described in your ad? Would any proprietor/partner be responsible for any unsold merchandise? What if merchandise is stolen?
Sorry for all the questions, I am interested in hearing a little more. Thanks in advance.
- Brandon
From Steven to Me:
Hello Brandon,
I would like to say thank you for your interest in working with DICKHEAD Fireworks this upcoming summer. I went ahead and attached an overview of the Tent Manager position for you to read in your spare time. It lays out everything that is involved in the position. Yes they are very capable of making that kind of money. We pick up any remaining product and the operator would not be held responsible if proper actions are taken to secure product. If not reported to authorities or a lot is missing, we would hold you responsible.
If you have any questions or this is something you would still be interested in, please email me or call my direct line listed below.
Again thank you and I look forward to hearing from you
From Me to Steven:
Hello Steven,
Could you please email me some of the numbers as mentioned in your last email? That would be great and help me make a decision within the next few days.
Thank you
Brandon
From Steven to Me:
Hey Brandon,
What locations were you looking at?
From Me to Steven:
Hi Steven,
I just received an undeliverable message with my response to your last email.
The locations I was looking at are either ****** or ****field. Can you let me know if either are available?
Thanks!
From Steven to Me:
Hey Brandon,
Unfortunately, those locations have been covered and we do not have anything else available in your area. I do have your information and if something would open up I will make sure I get in touch with you.
If you have any questions, please let me know. Again I am sorry
(continued...)
and the kicker...
From Me (Trisha Kensworth) to ********@dickheadfireworks.com:
Hi and good afternoon,
I am in touch today to inquire further regarding the fireworks ad you posted. Me and a few friends volunteer for a non profit organization in ******sville and saw you were looking for people near ******ville. Are there any start up costs or fees with these tents? Are they set up at predetermined locations or would we be able to request one near our organization.
Sorry for all the questions right out the gate. I appreciate your time in responding.
Thank you!
~ Trish <3 ~
From Captain Copy Paste Much?! to Me:
Hello Trisha,
I would like to say thank you for your interest in working with DICKHEAD Fireworks this upcoming summer. I went ahead and attached an overview of the Tent Manager position for you to read in your spare time. It lays out everything that is involved in the position. There are a few fees that you can read about in the handout, but these are taken off your final commission check and there is no money needed up front. At this point in the year, we only have a few locations that are predetermined and that has permitting taken care of. Currently, I believe ******ville would be the closest.
If you have any questions or this is something you would still be interested in, please email me or call my direct line listed below.
Again thank you and I look forward to hearing from you
From Me to Steven:
Good morning,
I emailed yesterday, but did not receive a reply. Could you please let me know if you are looking to fill the opening in/near the areas I mentioned.
Thanks!
~ Trish <3 ~
From Steven to Me:
Hello Trisha,
I emailed you back. Not sure if the email went to spam, but this one hopefully reaches you.
I would like to say thank you for your interest in working with DICKHEAD Fireworks this upcoming summer. I went ahead and attached an overview of the Tent Manager position for you to read in your spare time. It lays out everything that is involved in the position. There are a few fees that you can read about in the handout, but these are taken off your final commission check and there is no money needed up front. At this point in the year, we only have a few locations that are predetermined and that has permitting taken care of. Currently, I believe Normalville would be the closest.
If you have any questions or this is something you would still be interested in, please email me or call my direct line listed below.
Again thank you and I look forward to hearing from you
From Me to Steven:
Hi Steve,
I did find your email in spam. Weird the one went in and this one didn't.
I read through the information and think this is something we can do as a group to get a few people active with the organization I work for as well as make some money.
You mentioned the permitting. I assume we couldn't pursue a different location? Also, if we sign up through a non profit would we be given any fee reduction as it could be seen as a donation from your end?
Thanks in advance for answering my questions. We are very interested in signing up.
From Steven to Me:
Hello Trisha,
I am glad to hear you are interested.
In regards to your question on permitting, we have already gone ahead and taken care of certain locations and setup everything that is needed to run a temporary location. At this point, we would not be looking to bring on any new locations. If this works out, I could look into the fee's, but I would have to clear this through the corporate office.
This late in the season, there is a lot of interest in locations so if this is something you would be looking to do then in the next step you would need to submit a background/credit check application, which I have attached. Please send this to Fred Kramer, who is the state manager, by email at ***DUDE'S*BOSS***@dickheadfireworks.com or by fax at ***-***-****. Once we hear back from our HR, myself or MY BOSS will contact you to see if this would be a good fit for us both.
If you have any questions in the meantime, please feel free to contact me.
here it comes...
From Me (Trisha Kensworth) to ***DUDE'S*BOSS***@dickheadfireworks.com
Hello Mr. BIG BOSS MAN,
An associate of yours, Steven, gave me your email and instructed me to contact you with the release document. It has been attached.
Please let me know if you require any further information to get this process under way.
Many thanks.
~ Trish ~
- The attachment, Named "Document 1.pdf" is actually a picture of a chick getting FUCKED FROM BEHIND BY A FUCKING DOG.
In Closing...
From Me (Brandon Merlto) to ********@dickheadfireworks.com
Whatever man. You're a douchebag. Was your boss impressed with the beastiality? And you said I was unimaginative. Get fucked asshole.
LOL
I never heard back from anyone, but after an initial response like we got, silence is golden and a true sign that these guys had some pretty foul shit up on their work monitors. AAAAAHHHHHhhhhhh... so much fun!
Credit to - Jack .45 & Phallic J
Hi and good afternoon,
I am in touch today to inquire further regarding the fireworks ad you posted. Me and a few friends volunteer for a non profit organization in ******sville and saw you were looking for people near ******ville. Are there any start up costs or fees with these tents? Are they set up at predetermined locations or would we be able to request one near our organization.
Sorry for all the questions right out the gate. I appreciate your time in responding.
Thank you!
~ Trish <3 ~
From Captain Copy Paste Much?! to Me:
Hello Trisha,
I would like to say thank you for your interest in working with DICKHEAD Fireworks this upcoming summer. I went ahead and attached an overview of the Tent Manager position for you to read in your spare time. It lays out everything that is involved in the position. There are a few fees that you can read about in the handout, but these are taken off your final commission check and there is no money needed up front. At this point in the year, we only have a few locations that are predetermined and that has permitting taken care of. Currently, I believe ******ville would be the closest.
If you have any questions or this is something you would still be interested in, please email me or call my direct line listed below.
Again thank you and I look forward to hearing from you
From Me to Steven:
Good morning,
I emailed yesterday, but did not receive a reply. Could you please let me know if you are looking to fill the opening in/near the areas I mentioned.
Thanks!
~ Trish <3 ~
From Steven to Me:
Hello Trisha,
I emailed you back. Not sure if the email went to spam, but this one hopefully reaches you.
I would like to say thank you for your interest in working with DICKHEAD Fireworks this upcoming summer. I went ahead and attached an overview of the Tent Manager position for you to read in your spare time. It lays out everything that is involved in the position. There are a few fees that you can read about in the handout, but these are taken off your final commission check and there is no money needed up front. At this point in the year, we only have a few locations that are predetermined and that has permitting taken care of. Currently, I believe Normalville would be the closest.
If you have any questions or this is something you would still be interested in, please email me or call my direct line listed below.
Again thank you and I look forward to hearing from you
From Me to Steven:
Hi Steve,
I did find your email in spam. Weird the one went in and this one didn't.
I read through the information and think this is something we can do as a group to get a few people active with the organization I work for as well as make some money.
You mentioned the permitting. I assume we couldn't pursue a different location? Also, if we sign up through a non profit would we be given any fee reduction as it could be seen as a donation from your end?
Thanks in advance for answering my questions. We are very interested in signing up.
From Steven to Me:
Hello Trisha,
I am glad to hear you are interested.
In regards to your question on permitting, we have already gone ahead and taken care of certain locations and setup everything that is needed to run a temporary location. At this point, we would not be looking to bring on any new locations. If this works out, I could look into the fee's, but I would have to clear this through the corporate office.
This late in the season, there is a lot of interest in locations so if this is something you would be looking to do then in the next step you would need to submit a background/credit check application, which I have attached. Please send this to Fred Kramer, who is the state manager, by email at ***DUDE'S*BOSS***@dickheadfireworks.com or by fax at ***-***-****. Once we hear back from our HR, myself or MY BOSS will contact you to see if this would be a good fit for us both.
If you have any questions in the meantime, please feel free to contact me.
here it comes...
From Me (Trisha Kensworth) to ***DUDE'S*BOSS***@dickheadfireworks.com
Hello Mr. BIG BOSS MAN,
An associate of yours, Steven, gave me your email and instructed me to contact you with the release document. It has been attached.
Please let me know if you require any further information to get this process under way.
Many thanks.
~ Trish ~
- The attachment, Named "Document 1.pdf" is actually a picture of a chick getting FUCKED FROM BEHIND BY A FUCKING DOG.
In Closing...
From Me (Brandon Merlto) to ********@dickheadfireworks.com
Whatever man. You're a douchebag. Was your boss impressed with the beastiality? And you said I was unimaginative. Get fucked asshole.
LOL
I never heard back from anyone, but after an initial response like we got, silence is golden and a true sign that these guys had some pretty foul shit up on their work monitors. AAAAAHHHHHhhhhhh... so much fun!
Credit to - Jack .45 & Phallic J
